Good at Hi, Bad at Bye

I like to travel, to know new friends, to experience different cultures, to meet with friends known for a while, and even to enjoy the anxiety of being lost in a unknown place. It is a mixture of excitement, wonder, joy, surprise and shock. It almost feels like opening a present or a lucky draw, even though it could be empty, you still get involved with it.

But I hate to say goodbye. Though it is doomed to come when we first greet each other, farewell almost kills me every time.

Coming back from the US for two days already, I flip/click through photos on screen, trying to capture every incident, big or small, in journey. There are things I should have / could have done, but every trip leaves some regrets, hopefully they would be sufficient reasons for next travel.

I love to pack, as it signifies a new trip in formation. I hate to unpack back at home. When it’s done, the trip has come to an end.

Every night before leaving a place, I wake up in shock in the middle of night, because of the nightmare that everyone’s gone silently. Probably that’s why I should live alone. My insecurity strengthens with company. Where does that come from? I don’t know for sure.

I hate to say goodbye, but I hate even more to miss it, to miss the last words. Each time I hope I will not be the first one to leave. If I have to, I would rather be the last one. To everyone I meet in Miami, San Francisco and Boston, hope we’ll meet again sometime, somewhere soon.

During this trip, I learn that I should never have a pet myself, because it never feels good to say goodbye to them, once I am used to their existence. On the day I leave San Francisco, David’s (or I should say Cyrus’) cat Baran sits in front of the house and watches me. I know it’s not because of me. Baran just loves to sit on everyone’s luggage. Baran just likes to sleep beside others. Baran is just used to standing next to others. I know people should never project their emotions on pets, but it’s still heartbreaking for me to say goodbye to Baran. I don’t know how long she stays at the same place, but I am too afraid to look back.

I always have tears in my eyes whenever saying goodbye, no matter how many times I have done so.

And it hurts, every single time.

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